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Grief is the normal and natural reaction to significant emotional loss of any kind. While we never compare losses, any list would include death and divorce as obvious painful losses. Our list also includes many others; retirement, moving, pet loss, financial and health issues, among them. The range of emotions associated with grief are as varied as there are people and personalities. There is no list of feelings that would adequately describe one person’s emotions, much less an entire society. Grief is individual and unique. As every relationship is unique, so are the feelings and thoughts each person will have about the relationship that has been altered by death, or divorce or for other reasons. The Problem
While grief is normal and natural, most of the information passed on within our society about dealing with grief is not normal, natural, or helpful. Grief is the emotional response to loss, but most of the information we have learned about dealing with grief is intellectual. The majority of incorrect ideas about dealing with loss can be summed up in six myths which are so common nearly everyone recognizes them. Most people have never questioned whether or not they are valid. The information can be best described in the following: Six Myths Time Heals All Wounds Grieve Alone Be Strong Don't Feel Bad Replace the Loss Keep Busy Just looking at the myth that time heals creates the idea that a person just waits and they will feel better We have known people who have waited 10, 20, 30, and 40 years, and still didn’t feel better. And, we know that they would tell you that not only had time not healed them, but that it had compounded the pain. The other five myths carry equally unhelpful messages.
The Solution
Recovery from loss is accomplished by discovering and completing all of the undelivered communications that accrue in relationships. We are all advised to “Let Go,” and “Move On” after losses of all kinds. Most of us would do that if we knew how. Completion of pain caused by loss is what allows us to “Let Go” and “Move On ” after losses of all kinds. It is almost impossible to Move On without taking a series of actions that lead to completion. Before taking the actions to complete, it is important to look at and often dismiss some of the ideas for myths that we have tried to use with loss, but are not working. Safety and Correct Actions The Grief Recovery Program provides the correct action choices that help people move beyond the pain caused by loss. The program creates a safe environment in which to look at old beliefs about dealing with loss, to look at what losses have affected your life; and to take new actions with lead to completion of the pain attached to one of those losses. Taking actions to let go and move beyond the pain may be accomplished by individual outpatient therapy or in a group educational format, both ranging between 6 to 12 visits depending on the individual. The text that may be recommended as a guide is The Grief Recovery Handbook (Harper Collins, 1998) written by John W. James and Russell Friedman, founders of the Grief Recovery Institute. Commitment and Attendance The Grief Recovery Education Program is led by Dr. Houston who has been trained and certified by the Grief Recovery Institute. The Group Program is not an occasional drop in group. It is a 9 week program which will help you let go and move beyond your loss. It requires your commitment and attendance. The fee for the program is $250.00. If you have questions, please contact Dr. Houston at (361) 816-3628. Remember, most insurance plans are accepted and many offer coverage for individual, group, and family counseling services.
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